For the longest time, I always wondered if Baby C knew I was her mommy. I worried because I didn’t get to bond with her in her first few weeks of life, the way I wish I could have. There are a series of events that led me to think this way.
After giving birth to Baby C, I was unable to hold her and make that skin to skin contact. Though I was very happy that she bonded with her daddy, I had to endure the pain of receiving stitches. Maybe that’s why she says Dada and not Mama. (Insert smile and wink here.)
We didn’t get the chance to succeed at breastfeeding. And boy did I try with all my heart. Three weeks after giving birth, we both became sick and were separated from each other for a week. I tried to pump and dump a couple of times, in hopes that I would be able to secure my supply, but I was just too exhausted and warn out. In the end, I knew it was best for me to get as much rest as I could so that I could take care of my baby once we both returned home.
When I was released from the hospital, I still wasn’t feeling well. The pain medicine I was given made me extremely tired. So I was either in pain or drowsy. I only had enough energy to visit my daughter for a a few hours a day at her hospital. Not only did this make me feel incredibly guilty, but I continued to lose out on bonding with her.
|Visiting Baby C for the first time after leaving my hospital|
When she first came home from the hospital (the second time), she often screamed and cried at night. You know, that lovely witching hour. And no matter what I did, I couldn’t comfort her. I kept thinking, I’m her mommy, I should know what to do and how to soothe her.
Well, Baby C is almost nine months old now and I think she knows I’m mommy. I am blessed to be able to stay home with her, watch her reach her milestones for the very first time, and change her stinky diapers. Though we had a rough start with bonding, we have really grown close in the last few months.
I love you Baby C and I’m proud to be your mommy!